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Does Your Child Scream When They Don't Get What They Want? Is it YOUR Fault?
One of the most common behaviors parents wish to change is that of the screaming child who is upset after not getting what they want, whether that is a new toy or later bedtime.
This reaction is typical during certain stages of development, although knowing that doesn't ease the pain of managing it!
If you experience this know you're not alone, as this topic is one I commonly encounter (and it knows no boundaries - children of both genders and all ages have difficulty regulating their frustrations, etc.).
Usually there is a combination of factors responsible for the child's behavior, and many parents don't recognize how they're handling the behavior is causing it to continue (and perhaps become worse).
A common scenario is the mother who has said, “No” in response to their child’s request. Perhaps you tried to soften the blow by saying, “not now” or “next time”… regardless of your semantics, your child proceeds to melt down and tantrum over your reply.
Then your child asks again. And again and again. You’ve now said, “no” nine times and are starting to feel frustrated yourself.
As luck should have it, your little one pushes a touch harder and continues asking, begging or pleading for that which they want. Finally, because you can’t take it anymore, because you can’t remember why you said ‘no’ in the first place, or because you simply want to end this discussion, you give in and say “yes”.
Now, if you told your child NO, nine times before saying ‘yes’, then you’ve successfully taught your child it takes asking mom ten times to get what you want, so feel free to ignore the first nine No’s.
They will begin to apply this strategy outside of home; they’ll do it at school, with peers and in other situations where it isn’t acceptable. Could you imagine asking your boss for a raise using this strategy?
I won’t even attempt to minimize or hide my failure at sticking to my guns – goodness knows there are many times I’ve gone back on my own word (okay, you can stay up half an hour longer) and I regret each and every time.
There are so many ways our parenting directly teaches our children, and they aren’t all as obvious as we’d like, so consider what message you’re sending (or not sending) by your parenting methods. Nobody is perfect and the good news is that, with a little guidance, you can work with your child to change the behaviors and dynamics mentioned.
What about you - do you face this challenging behavior? If so, how do you react to it and do you think your reaction reinforces the behavior? Can you think of another example showing how parenting skills directly teach life skills (like hugging them and giving in- after a tantrum?)
This reaction is typical during certain stages of development, although knowing that doesn't ease the pain of managing it!
If you experience this know you're not alone, as this topic is one I commonly encounter (and it knows no boundaries - children of both genders and all ages have difficulty regulating their frustrations, etc.).
Usually there is a combination of factors responsible for the child's behavior, and many parents don't recognize how they're handling the behavior is causing it to continue (and perhaps become worse).
A common scenario is the mother who has said, “No” in response to their child’s request. Perhaps you tried to soften the blow by saying, “not now” or “next time”… regardless of your semantics, your child proceeds to melt down and tantrum over your reply.
Then your child asks again. And again and again. You’ve now said, “no” nine times and are starting to feel frustrated yourself.
As luck should have it, your little one pushes a touch harder and continues asking, begging or pleading for that which they want. Finally, because you can’t take it anymore, because you can’t remember why you said ‘no’ in the first place, or because you simply want to end this discussion, you give in and say “yes”.
Now, if you told your child NO, nine times before saying ‘yes’, then you’ve successfully taught your child it takes asking mom ten times to get what you want, so feel free to ignore the first nine No’s.
They will begin to apply this strategy outside of home; they’ll do it at school, with peers and in other situations where it isn’t acceptable. Could you imagine asking your boss for a raise using this strategy?
I won’t even attempt to minimize or hide my failure at sticking to my guns – goodness knows there are many times I’ve gone back on my own word (okay, you can stay up half an hour longer) and I regret each and every time.
There are so many ways our parenting directly teaches our children, and they aren’t all as obvious as we’d like, so consider what message you’re sending (or not sending) by your parenting methods. Nobody is perfect and the good news is that, with a little guidance, you can work with your child to change the behaviors and dynamics mentioned.
What about you - do you face this challenging behavior? If so, how do you react to it and do you think your reaction reinforces the behavior? Can you think of another example showing how parenting skills directly teach life skills (like hugging them and giving in- after a tantrum?)
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